Cognito ergo someone
To believe is to be living
Ear eye am
What is this I that I know?

Blueprint

Spontaneous arcaded corridors sweep ships of cerebral oarsmen along neuronal oceans of serotonin, synaptic tourists tugged through passageways of folded pages

An attic’s attacks, shriek-strokes of blackest bats, blots shattering silver canvas of anti-silence; grey matter

Dumbwaiter runs from succumbing to slumber, pulley tugged steeper as sleeper sleeps deeper

Padded cells, numb pillows of softest subconscious

Not-solid cement poured for floor

An abyss is a basement

Furnace thrum

I live here

Daylight Savings

Waking in white, save me from daylight
Weary, half-dead, with a steel wool head
Window's supernova has frozen my bones
Which echoes cold drones of unanswered phones
Wired to my bed by the day's webs of dread
& when it's time for night, I'm still not all right

learning a skill

i have always stopped just short of learning a skill
in order to maintain my mind as 
a pristine prison
filled with billions
of cannibalistic
bats

Inner Interview I

Q. Why do you write?
A. Because I wouldn't have much if I didn't. Oh, and I'm in pursuit of something. Perfection, epiphany, whatever you want to call it.
Q. Why pursue this something through writing?
A. Well, that's just my particular tool I use. There are any number of ways to go about it. I think we are all pursuing these unanswerable questions in our own way. Is writing any better than, say, painting? Can you do more with words than you can do with pigments? I think all of the arts are cross-curricular, borrowing each others' strengths, and learning from each other, so maybe it all evens out. And, of course, this could be done with science, too, or mechanics, or anything. It's whichever medium you're drawn to.
Q. What draws someone to a particular medium?
A. The way their brain works.
Q. It's that simple?
A. Well, that and the experiences they have that lead them in a certain direction. Maybe it's whatever provides the best pay-off. But of course, the other thing that's involved with that is effort. People will tend to go for the thing that gives them the most pay-off for the least amount of effort. I mean, that's why I stopped drawing, really. My ability stopped at the level of doodling cartoon characters, because I wasn't willing to put in the effort to get to the next level of ability. So maybe I just write because that's the easiest medium for me, and I've practiced enough that I'm at a certain level of skill.
Q. So you see it as less a question of finding your true voice or medium, and more as a matter of laziness and compromise?
A. (Laughs) Yes, yes, I do.
Q. The converse of that, though, logically, is that if you practice at something long enough, you will approach a level of mastery, and perhaps that could happen for anything that you commit to.
A. Right, yeah. Makes me think of the idea of the Renaissance Man, or any of these people nowadays who try their hand at any number of disciplines. I suppose it's about being good enough at something so that it flows out of you, intuitively, eliminating the need for a certain amount of editing or struggling. And you've already got it at a high enough level that you can only improve it from there. I'm definitely jealous of people who have mastered many arts, but they have put in the time, so...it's earned. Their skill, not my jealousy.
Q. Beyond being jealous, aren't you also a little bit afraid?
A. Afraid?
Q. That you won't be good enough, that you'll fail, that it'll take too much time...
A. Sure. All of that. We all have fear, don't we?
Q. Sounds like an excuse.
A. Yeah, but if I don't have the ability, then I'm not able to do it.
Q. That's why you train, why you practice, improve...
A. Yeah. Well, right now I'm improving my ability to not give up. To try.
Q. I don't see how you can improve that ability without...trying...
A. I'm trying to try. I don't have any more for you. There's nothing else I can say because it would just be more excuses.
Q. You're very uncomfortable with this, I see.
A. End of interview.

Mood pools

Like chlorine into pools, spewed through pipes, vents, chemical tendrils dissipating

The long distance swimmer immersed in mute euphoria or melancholy

Stymied & Astray in the Hallways of the Mind

An elegant & amusing passage from Colin Ellard's You are Here:

"As legend has it, the building where I work, the psychology building at the University of Waterloo, in Ontario, was designed so that its shape corresponds roughly to the shape of a brain. Many visitors or even longtime students complain that they have difficulty finding their way about because of the lack of distinguishable landmarks in the corridors."

Do you get why that's funny? Think about it. But don't get lost.

Your skull is melting

Inspired by the following line from this story about melting glaciers: "For the tribes that live in that area, the glaciers are the head of the skull of the god and the mountains are the arms and the legs," he says.

Today we are gods, & your skull is melting. Dwindling neurons worship you; impulses run the mountains of your legs, tiny synaptic tribes on ice sliding wordlessly into ocean. Your skull is melting, & we are the dying gods.

(By this I mean to say, we destroyed our gods, which was our right & all, since we created them, & we raised ourselves up, Nietzsche-nly, onto the old, infinite, divine platforms, but even then we did not realize that neither invention nor destruction will grant us immortality---all of us, & the universe, decay. Yes, the glacier is melting beneath your feet, but what the article fails to report is that your feet are disappearing, too.)