Help Yourself

Everybody in the world has published a self-help book but me. I am the vortex upon which the genre has converged. I walk into a bookstore and all I get are personal appeals: "Boost Your Life, Curtis!" "Actualize in Just Five Steps, Curtis!" "Become a Better Curtis, Curtis!" I even saw "Write a Self-Help Book, Curtis!" Everybody seems really desperate to tell me exactly how I should help myself. But I'm just going to live.